If We Can't Say Anything Nice, Why Do We Say Anything At All?



Posted: Thursday, March 13, 2008

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Didn't your parents teach you that if you cannot say anything nice, to not say anything at all? And yet you have found yourself putting others down anyway? You have found yourself calling them names or saying nasty things to them or even worse, gossiping about them, spreading rumors? And when you do that, you get a certain kind of "high"? And you end up getting a false sense of power whenever you put someone else down? Why is that? I think I have an idea and sadly I admit I have been there. I understand. Perhaps you don't feel very good about yourself? You feel like you are powerless over many things. Maybe you were treated badly in your past. Your parents may have mistreated you (which did not happen in my case), or even your peers (which did happen in my case). Maybe they misunderstood you and put you down as a result (which also happened to me). Therefore your sense of self-worth went down the drain. So therefore, you don't feel very good about yourself because others have convinced you that you are worthless or just plain unlikeable. Especially if having low self esteem was ingrained into you since birth (which I am sure of for me anyway). Before you know it, you are full of anger, anxiety, may suffer from depression and may fall into self destructive patterns (like overeating). And you also do something else you may not even realize. You get into fights. On purpose. It starts off by starting trouble and putting others down, similarly like others have put you down. For instance, you find a weakness that someone has and you prey on it like others have done to you. Then they defend themselves which causes you to beat them down even more. That is proof right there that whatever you are picking on them about is a real sensitive issue for that individual. Before you know it, you are arguing with this individual, and you were the one who started the fight. Why? Why did you instigate the fight to begin with? What causes people to do this? Perhaps the reason for this is what I had mentioned already? It's not really that person who you are attacking and putting down. It's yourself. You may even find yourself preying on that person's weakness because you (dare I say?) happen to share the same weakness with that person. You may be even used to beating down yourself because of it. Therefore, you may find the same weakness in someone else. Therefore, if you start picking on them you may feel a sense of power. But really, you are worsening things. Not just for the one who you are picking on, but for yourself.

I admit, I have had a weight problem my whole life. I can blame some of it on genetics. But not all of it, I am an over eater, I tend to stuff down my feelings. And when I refrain from over eating, I take things out on others whether they share the same weakness as I do or not. I admit I have an anger inside of me. I take it out on myself or onto others which is no good. However, I have found myself in the past looking down on those who not have a weight problem due to a medical problem but those who are overweight because they overeat. It's not that person who I am looking down on, it's their issue that I hate because I have it too. It's like looking in the mirror and disliking what you see. Same thing. But I also mentioned you don't necessarily have to share the same weakness with someone else who you may argue with. If you have a lot of anger pent up in you, you will find yourself getting into fights with others no matter what you have in common with them. If you truly love yourself and respect yourself, you will have no need to do that. You will just want to do the opposite. Sadly it's more of the exception than the rule, from what I have seen or known anyway.

My point of this article is, if you are ready to start a fight with someone or find yourself saying something not so pleasant to others, why? What is possessing you to do it? Or more importantly, what it is about yourself you are unhappy with?

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